Everything hangs on love
like the door on its hinge.
Everything rests on love
like the water strider
on the pond ripples.
Like a carpenter planing
a plank of wood,
love makes the rough way
smooth.
Like the sun at daybreak
shining on the battlefield,
love never gives up.
The sky is most beautiful
as it tackles the dark—
when light bends,
curving like the arc
of red-tailed hawk’s wing.
Daybreak or day’s end,
the horizon pools
with color oozing like fruit
ripening on the branch.
Though the shadow
falls on the tree,
when the shade
lifts her wing,
the leaf is still green,
and tender, and ready
to breathe, and
bear light.
Assent
When I went to the forest,
the pine needles
on the disheveled
forest floor
took no notice
of my tousled hair.
The sky
before the storm
mirrored
my melancholy.
Even the fawn
hesitated and
glanced my way
before climbing
the hill behind
the startled doe.
Love
Love is frost.
Love is rain.
Love is river.
Love is ice.
When you shut it
out, it overflows
to flood the hollows
and the valleys.
Love wells as a spring flows.
Because it draws on a deep source,
love doesn't run dry.
You don't need to ration it.
Even if you build a wall
to keep it out,
it will flow around or under
into new hollows and valleys.
Love cuts as the river cuts,
like a knife. Because it is powerful
and sharp, one day love will
erode the base of every wall.
The Pageant
When it happens in the moment, it’s never rehearsed;
The props go missing; the child arrives headfirst
Without midwife. The elements this time, not bread and wine,
But hay and manger, ox and mare; the cupboards are bare.
Passersby will serve as witnesses, shepherded to the birth.
The chorus will rally for peace on earth.
Others, like the wisemen, will view from afar
A disorder in the universe, a star.
But Love is never wasted or extinguished
For love is like a fire. When flame is trampled
Underfoot, the embers still persist: a spark
Will flare into flame to overcome the dark.
For love is a fire, and those who light the night,
They are the choir.
Bear Creek Canyon: October 7, 2023
Not only fire but aspens, too, adorn the hills with golden crown. Lend me a mirror that I might reflect this gold for my heart is like a barren branch. Furnish me kindling that I might light a fire for my hearth is cold. Golden leaves admit light unlike the patches of green aspen, shades drawn. Last year, it was a maze of stubby trunks in the meadow where beavers had gnawed young aspen trunks. But now the aspen in the meadow tower and chatter in the wind. Oh, aspens, teach me your song. Tender me your voice. Course in my veins that I might root, rest, rise with you, and flame, fire, fall like flint that alights again.
Good Morning
I sit in the meadow near forest edge. Where I sit the pine needles are warm, as if someone else has just sat here. Oh, it’s you, sun!
Gentle Rain (Song Lyrics)
Stars shine in the cold night sky Lighting up the dark. You were like a gentle rain To my parched heart. Day breaks after darkness fades; Each dawn, a fresh start. You were like a gentle rain To my parched heart. Lost my way without a compass In a land without compassion. In the dark you were my Pole Star Found my way ‘cause of who you are. Still grey clouds close in on me Still storm clouds arise. Rolling thunder, lightning strikes, Tumultuous skies. Hide me, like a bird, conceal. Make your wing a shield. In the storm you answer me And your love reveal. Lost my way without a compass In a land without compassion. In the dark you were my Pole Star Found my way ‘cause of who you are. Love is like a fire that burns Scorching briar and thorn. Open my heart and teach me love Through the eye of the storm. Love transposes chaos to calm And our fear, disarms. Open my heart and teach me love Through the eye of the storm. Lost my way without a compass In a land without compassion. In the dark you were my Pole Star Found my way ‘cause of who you are. Stars shine in the cold night sky Lighting up the dark. You were like a gentle rain To my parched heart.
Creatures of Flesh and Blood
Bless these thy gifts, these creatures of flesh and blood— the raptors who fish to satisfy their hunger and never grasp at more; The black bear who walks on silent paws streamside past the sleepers in their tent; The coyotes whose playful chorus echoes in the canyon. Bless the canyon wrens whose song is pure as water cascading over rocks. Bless the mule deer who stand sentry round the fawns bathing in the lake. Bless the trout whose rainbow stippling glitters. Bless the ponderosa saplings birthed by fire. Bless the cholla who ask so little and bloom so profusely. Bless the multitudes of grasses, the mute roots of the aspen, the steadfast constellations. And bless the great blue heron who sings only when he’s startled, and who has startled me into song.
Acquiescence
I am learning the art of acquiescence. The leaf doesn’t fight the river but floats. The aspen along the riverbank grows where it will and then bows to the spruce as the trail narrows toward the peak. I am learning the art of acquiescence. The blossom did not resist the bee. Though we could not see their light, behind the storm clouds the stars shone as brightly as ever. The pencil submits to the sharpener. The thread follows the needle like a string strung along by a kite.
Iron Creek
Canyon beds pool with water like a baptismal font. Freed from the conventions of dressing well, of housekeeping, we plunge our sandaled feet into the rushing stream, balance on unpredictable rocks clutch walking sticks. Each step in the river recalls previous summer trips along the Gila Middle Fork. Same canyons, same mountains, same earth and rock, yet the light that reflects off the rockface is new. Above us, the ponderosa needles, sprouting green above charred earth, whisper “all things made new.” Heeling at our ankles, the stream of swirling snowmelt gurgles: “I’m not the same river. You’re not the same man.”
My Breastplate
You enclose me in your hand, and like the needle of a compass I find the way. You alight on the water, and like the snow goose I wing it to the cornfield. Your light shines at night, mirrored in the sky, and my feet find the path. You gurgle in the stream, and my ear guides me to the stream, fed by snowmelt. Your breath spins clouds from ocean to shade me from the heat. When I am weary you let drop ribbons of night, like a mother hen shielding her young with her feathered shawl.
Once I Prayed
Once I prayed for snow on the mountains, blossoms on the branch, and fruit ripening in the sun. Now I pray for my four-chambered heart, pocked, bruised, beaten, broken open, like a fruit… Oh, let it rise again after the frost like the blood red Mexican hats dotting the open spaces. Once I prayed for peace in the world. Once I prayed for the valleys to fill with flowers, for the rains to wash the mountains and fill the brooks. Now I pray for the landscape of my heart, that mercy and love and forgiveness will wash over it all, that the well-worn ruts will heal, that I clear it of stones like your clearing the rice paddy field of stones. See— you stooped and planted and the grain of rice multiplied.
Thaw
Do you know who I am? snowmelt in the canyon water flowing down Do you know who I am? listen to the canyon walls echoing my song days lengthen imperceptibly and water flows like piano chords winter standstill isn’t checkmate listen closely to the hammer and the nail splitting ice sunlight melts the shadows and like a bird that scrambles from the fowler’s snare water rushes down water rushes down
Bread
Baking bread isn’t what it used to be: We are learning together. You examine the pizza dough and say: “It’s risen.” You are as confident as the faithful gathered on Easter Sunday to celebrate the Resurrection. I am the skeptic. I touch the dough, still flat as a thick pancake, and finger the crevices of the dough like Thomas touching the hand of Jesus. We leave the dough to rise again, or proof. Perhaps we will add rosemary, fragrant and slightly bitter, to flavor the dough. Our lives entwine with broken berries of wheat, and bruised rosemary, as we prepare the table and anoint the dough with oil.
Trust
What does the dragonfly know that I’ve forgotten? Skimming effortlessly across the ripples, it lives and dies without even fearing the trout. Cast your cares, we sing, but the datura trumpets: What do you even know about total abandonment to divine providence? Think of water, which all summer, swells, seeks depth, runs down and deep, and recklessly: so useful and humble, precious and pure. Hold nothing back, the water gurgles: Give all. Through snowmelt, waterfall, and torrent, bathe the foot of hiker, soothe the thirst of fawn. Yet whether still or freefall, water runs deep, seeps down, like a nail, and then, come winter, rises: Ice now skates surface of pond and stream. It stitches a dazzling bright robe, and swaddles overwintering flora and fauna— Behold this liquid mirror whose interlocking molecules of ice transform murky streambed to dazzling glass, and transfigure river’s dank dark belly to pristine solid beam, reflecting light of sky, uniting water with light, joining “I” with “you,” fusing two elements into One.
Ash Wednesday
What is transfiguration if not the seed streaked with dirt and rain rising from disheveled earth? Petals, after a summer rain, glisten in the morning light: Thorny vine of summer unfurls, and heavy fruit taxes the branches. But before the blossom, sweat and ashes—and oh the weight of doubt. Transform this wait, and pining—cross I bare— that I too might participate in your transfiguration.
Equilibrium
Light enters the cornea mysteriously and scatters an image in our mind as inconspicuously as the approach of the angel in Mary’s room. Sensing an abrupt and warm presence, Mary turns her gaze to face the angel. For a moment, their two faces like two globes illuminate each other, the eyes drawn to the eyes, eternity suspended in a moment. Not since Jacob wrestled with his angel was so much splendor at arm’s reach. Did she flinch even for a moment at the task before her, at the luminosity around her? Quite as suddenly, the angel retreated, leaving Mary to ponder what she could never forget and never quite retrieve: He is the Icon of the invisible God, and the firstborn of all creation.
Let Us Bless
Let us bless the quiet fleeting moments shorter than breath The sudden reversal of a swing when everything hurtles you forward The jolt of the coiled spring when the slinky accelerates down a stair The infant’s animation reflecting its mother’s gaze The rattle of the key releasing the lock Oh, let us bless the quiet treasured moments swifter than breath The rustle of the startled heron taking flight The first ray of sun chasing night The quicksilver minnow mirroring light The force of the flower breaking rock And though these quiet hallowed moments are briefer than breath, swifter than death, lightning strike, or the capricious twists and turns of the river— still let us bless For who can measure the riot and quiet of everything we’ve lost— yarn unraveled, kitten tangled in string, rough tongue of cat, everything that flowed through our arms like water through permeable rock now vanished as sudden as thunderclap— swollen stream after downpour, peaceful interlude, water’s caress, storm, stride, strike, stress— these too may we bless
Everything Lets Go
Everything lets go in the end. The mortar in the brick. The love song of the finch come fall. Everything lets go in the end, the spinning of the top, the last drops of rain, even the skin of the molting snake. My dog jumped into the Middle Fork of the Gila River and reached for tiny minnows— Out they swam between his teeth and back into the stream. Everything lets go, trickles down, heaves itself into the ground. The motion of the celestial spheres pauses each evening for the stargazers, the knot in the wood, the amber pearl of sap hardened against the rough bark of the tree. The thread lets go of the needle, the comb releases the hair, the flame absolves the wick. The lightning bolt, and then the silence. Think of Jesus, his hand washing Judas’ foot one moment, and then he let it go. Like Galileo, he knew the world stops spinning when love catches you off guard.
Break Me
To see is to believe. To long is to hope. Teach me to hope for what I cannot yet behold. Remember Galileo: Before the telescope revealed bright lights behind the dark curtain of space— already those stars had overpowered the dark. So break me open in your hands— pomegranate, bruised apricot— seed me. And breathe into me the force that powers canyon floodwaters at breakneck speed— singing— down the precipitous slope.
Clean Sweep
In another city, another home, I once swept the floor for Mother Teresa. She slept in that room the following night, and in the morning after she had left, a brother swept the room. In the dustpan, one hair.
Opening the Thesaurus
I opened the thesaurus and then I realized that hope is just another word for hunger and that—although I appease it with the sweetest fruit of the jungle, still, like the cat at my ankle, it will beg for more.
Yucca
Yucca, rootbound porcupine, stands at attention. What are you guarding with your green quills straight as bayonets? Did you ambush the juniper with the camouflage needles? You creep across the canyon without tanks, refuel on sunlight. Your fruit swells with the summer rain. Clandestine plant, you emerge unexpectedly between sandstone rocks flecked with lichens copious as the spots on a young cougar. What secret do you oversee? When the nocturnal moth emerges from rosettes coated with pollen, do you stand at ease? No wind ruffles your stiff leaves as you stand sentry.
To Have and to Be
The infant wants milk, love, a lap, a lock of your hair, the glitter from the lake, even the moon. The child wants a friend, a fort, time to play. The youth seeks to divide and conquer, climb, achieve, win, subjugate, wills to power and overpower, even to exert the power and influence to reject and scorn. But then one day, whether by choice or force, the adult releases, accepts, empowers others. Let my bones be a bridge, my hair the buttresses in a nest, my dreams wings for the creatures that fly. Let my words be the ripples that resonate in the pond and then, more thinly, more obliquely, in the air, though I have no breath.
Hunger
Aloft, they perch along the nest rim— no longer nestlings, nor yet fledglings. For several weeks, their parents have fed them, beak to beak, swooping on blue-black wings to siphon insects from the air, winged insects so small I cannot see them. Hope, penned Emily Dickinson, is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul. But even so, hope is also the last egg cradled in the nest, displaced only yesterday— though its nest mates are nearly fledged now— and cracked open on the tiled step: The ants made short work of its golden yolk.
Whatever’s Happening
In a cult, we all hold the same beliefs or risk expulsion. In a community, we work together to find a solution, despite diverging opinions, and always hope to reconcile with each other when we start to drift apart Whatever’s happening in the world, I know my yard is a community where neither the stray cat nor the lizard can disentangle themselves from their mutual obligations and appetites, and yet, the choreography of the dance— between movements— allows them to lie shoulder to shoulder in the round belly of the earth at last.
Spring
It’s spring and the river ice cracks— and whose to say— if you could hear it— that it’s not unlike the sound of nest building as the twig snaps.
If Nothing Else
I once thought love is the mightiest word but now I think perhaps the mightiest word is hope. Oh, we love so freely, and with abandon. We are so prodigal with our love. But hope is the stubborn fortitude of the bud holding on through frost and ice. It’s the steadfastness of tree roots carrying nutrients to the trunk and branches of the tree, though its bark and branches are already alight with lightning strike or forest fire. Oh, I want to be a vessel for the sap. I want to be a seed in the sharecropper’s hand. I want to be the jellied eggs of the spadefoot toad there tucked in the shaded patch of the puddle, and waiting— in this drought-stricken land—waiting for thunderclap. Or, if nothing else remains, I want to be that faint flame—cupped in your hands—coaxed to life with your breath.
Entryway
Little victories: It’s the first steps that matter most— the bud on the twig, not the flower, the nearly imperceptible shadow on the grass before the heel lifts off the springy soil. See on the wall next to the entryway door, the small beakful of mud and twig that clings to the wall like soil to a rootball— that twig and tiny portion of mud, not yet a nest but still more than clay and twig, and no longer without life.
Listen!
Even when you can barely hope, Even when your heart is hardened as a fist, Even when you cannot breathe, Listen— The flowers of the field, The birds of the air are breathing for you. Even the seeds deposited in the dark earth of your heart are splitting open . . . and the birds perched in the eaves have already deposited a song, hidden in the egg’s rich yolk.
Rockfall
It starts little by little—-a bit of windblown dust, the rain, gentle at first, and then rainstorms. Next comes the ice and the thaw cracking apart the rock, oh the dust settles, the wind blows, and alcoves form, little hollowed chambers, pulsing with light. Out of the rock, shelter, like a hollowed ribcage, emerges. Oh, you could sing in here, a lovely song, a sad song, just choose your register. And soon the alcove echoes with the song of the cave swallow, and then the song of the canyon wren, whose appearance is as rustic as the robe of a Franciscan friar, but whose song is as beautiful as the sweetest song of Solomon. And the canyon wren’s song never ceases, not even in winter. Oh, what does the canyon wren sing? Beautiful liquid notes, a rounded rock or pebble thrown into a pool of water after the rainstorm, rockfall, downslope, snowmelt rushing over red rocks in the canyon, think of chimes, or lost loves. But what does the rock wall of the canyon sing-- only heart- break over rock worn down by wind and rain.
If Not
What is prayer if not the tree in winter before the budding, the frozen river before the crack of the thaw, the egg in the incubator, the child—nose pressed against the window—waiting… the still red coal awaiting the poker’s stir, the icicle longing to melt and flow into the river, the monk in his cell. What is prayer if not the horizon before the rosy finger of dawn, the still cold air on the banks of the Rio Grande before the winging snow geese lift off, that heaviness of breath before the monsoon, the hunger in the belly, the dissonant chord—unresolved, oh, the ache of it all, the water not yet wine.
Bending Light
There were some that I loved, but they didn’t love me. Then you said: “Look! Stand here!” and we looked at the light. You noticed it first. Sunlight glowed red reflecting off the red rock mesas. I thought how every evening the sun shines off the rocks yet goes unnoticed. Who thanked the flower in July, when she offered her breast to the bee? I thought, Nothing is wasted, ever. Even the deepest crevices of the red rock mesas reflect light when the sun sweeps over their surface like a broom. Oh, every crumb is swept up-not a crumb of love is wasted, ever. In summer, the roots of plants tangle to crack rock and absorb the light of sun. So in winter, rocks mirror light. See how the disheveled red rock bares herself like a chrysalis revealing her colors! In summer, when we climbed the white cliffs, swallows had moved in and built nests on the rockface, and we watched cliff swallows dive and tumble through air. As we ascended the mesas, our footsteps barely left a trace. Now our dreams, battered as a nest in winter storm, hang by a thread. Oh the bee is petulant, but the petal, though now a memory, has sent her love letter to the world: In the hive, the honey: beneath the rock, the seed.
Nativity
Angels fracture the dome of sky like rock shattering ice. Shepherds eye the chorus, bewildered, by heaven’s strange lullaby. Thick are the branches that block our way. Restless feet, and hunger, the measure of our days. But hope startles like the song of a canyon wren. Roots carve a crib for the desert stream. A stable gives berth to tired travelers. A child’s midnight cry is the unraveling. Shepherds’ rough hands cradle holy mystery: The boy child of Mary, and the rough carpentry Of burl and sap, manger and nativity. Midnight rustle of wings, doves perching in the rafters— Where shepherd and child meet, love and longing gather. Even the dove, resting in the rafters, murmurs gently, ever after.
Astray
The rock does not cling to the river, but yields to snowmelt. Rain surges to fill the emptiness: the hollowed out space of our tracks— the bowl of the earth where we slept, the bed of our pitched tent. Where would we be if we didn’t keep losing ourselves— to each other, to the days we left behind? Everything that escapes our grasp— the fish in the river, the breath we exhale— returns, I’m told. Even the sea returns to shore continuously, like the swing of the pendulum, as she licks her wounds. Will we recognize the fog as last year’s puddle as transpired sweat as a little ghost of ourselves? Remember how the clouds gave themselves up. Then do likewise
Alighting
Like Alice, I have been falling and my feet still haven’t touched ground. Like a golden ball flung toward the horizon I fall without a sound. See me shapeshift into ribbons with arms wide as the sun.
Adrift
Deep inside the earth’s core, magma buckles and mountains peak. Give me a lever long enough, wrote Archimedes, and I could move heaven and earth. See how the universe expands into the darkness, carrying with it light beyond the Milky Way? As we drive west across the Continental Divide, neither smoke of wildfires nor soot of car exhaust can block the muted rose of the sun’s rays, last hurrah before nightfall. Oh the shadows are always with us as they seek to block the light, yet ribbons of pink and peach persist, lingering on the horizon. Like abalone or mother of pearl, we are both castaways— the sun’s ray on cold rock of earth— the marine shell stranded on distant shore, deep indigo of the ocean now shipwrecked on the sandy beach, muted colors of pink and peach unfurled in the contours of the abalone shell: a distant mirror of the sun.
Someone Tasted Sweetness
Along the rain-soaked trail next to the wild strawberries, I balance my backpack to reach for tasty red fruit, each crimson berry small as a thimble. The act of foraging, a balancing act: Next to me: fresh bear tracks.
Clean Palette
I don’t know how to distinguish flowers by their sweetness save by following the bee. In a field overflowing with flowers, the Indian paintbrush grows in shades of scarlet, purple, pink, and cream, and I follow the bee to the sweet spot: the cream-tipped stalks, and where the bee sucks, there suck I.
Sleepers, Awake: Dreaming at 10,000 Feet
In the tent, chaotic dreams emerge, like pikas darting from their den. Was that an airplane flying overhead, or traffic? I hear a crash. “He’s dead,” someone cries. Car doors slam. Feet scurry down the slope from the isolated highway. Flashlights shine, illuminating the walls of the tent. “Wake up! Wake up!” the voices cry. “Can we borrow your phone? We need to report an accident.” I know we’ve left phones behind in a locked car. No service here in Colorado’s San Juan Wilderness, and the nearest road is more than 8 miles from our tent site. In my dream, I ask my husband for his phone. I shake his arm. His eyes open, and I ask: “Are you okay? Did you hear anything? See anyone?” Roused from my dream, awakened from our sleep, we shed sleeping bags, like cocoons. We unzip the tent, then step out. Stars shimmer across the meadow-— Second Meadow—-as it arches its sinuous back for two miles alongside Elk Creek Trail. The stars are luminous and thick as fireflies from my childhood. Soon, it’s back to the tent. We zip closed the screen behind us, but the moon’s reflected light penetrates the opaque fabric of our tent, thin sail hoisted on a meadow, like shining from shook foil.
Roses
I knew a lady who sat outside a mut hut concession, opposite a marsh where breezes blew palm fragrance in her face, to wait for alms. She leaned against a neem shade tree whose roots exhausted soil. I think she kept a garden of her own, although her fingers may have been misshaped for tilling earth. At any rate, she needed change for pharmacy antibiotics; passing on my way to church, I’d drop coins into her hands. I remember Sunday mornings spent in a baobab’s shade, clapping and signing of converts, a young man telling gospel, but most of all, a leper-lady whose fingers curled with leprosy like soft peeled bark. Her fingers could not feel my hand or anything that came their way. I wish I had the healing gift. All I could do was spare pennies for those outstretched hands, roses where no thorns are.
July 2021: Are We There Yet?
After 15 months’ hibernation, the tents put up sail again—quietly at first. Then, with weekend’s arrival, wayfarers’ feet stir up dust on the disused path. Chromatic colors of sneakers, strollers, scarves, and baseball caps circulate around flea market stalls. Even chihuahuas appear, resting in the arms of their humans, and a young child balances a piglet in his arms as he examines handmade beaded jewelry. We fist bump. We shake hands. And the conversation is all: “You made it! You’re here!” The smell of roast mutton and roast corn wafts between stalls selling acrylic paintings, gospel CDs, silver, turquoise, herbal remedies, flour sack aprons, T-shirts, mugs, fossils, rocks. At one stall a woman displays a loom with her half-finished rug, reminding us, perhaps, that the work is done, yet undone. A stack of baby quilts is testament, not only to long hours at home under lockdown, but testament to hope. At the Gallup Flea Market, the old blends seamlessly with the new: the handwashing station, the newly built stage for country bands. I buy baby quilts for two friends and leave before the dance, but by day’s end, I scroll through photos of couples, dancing, their eyes disclosing hope, the crinkles of their eyes, smiling.
Blue Heron
The blue heron lives a solitary life, or so it seems, perched on shore, peering at its reflection, like a chess piece pondering checkmate. Then, in one swift movement, swoops, lifts, and wings toward the wood, whose silence is pierced only by the cry of hungry beaks.
Hammer and Chisel
The weather changes by the hour. The wind changes by the minute. But my heart is Rock— pierced, split, and cracked only by the sprouting Seed planted by your Hand.
Leave No Trace
On the steppingstones that cross the creek your boot left tracks thin as cat whiskers. “Leave no trace,” they say. And though, one day, we will leave no trace, for now, we pack out trash and secure our gear on limbs sturdy as the saplings the beavers gnaw for their lodge. One day we will leave no trace, but even so I like to believe we will leave behind something of who we were, something of who we hoped to be.
Flight Risk
A flower’s a labyrinth for pollinators. A sapling’s a log for a beaver. A riverbed’s home for the snowmelt. The belled flower, a beacon for the hummingbird— who jostles among uplifted stalks but never visits for long, who sips while suspended, a flurry of wings, who resists capture even by photograph—
Made to Measure
If you have ever sewn a dress—or tried—you must be impressed with the flower who tailors her blossoms seamlessly and perfectly proportioned.
Sanctuary
Think how the beaver articulates a shelter of wood hewn from the living branch to weave a cradle of protection.
Taproot
I came to a field of flowers, seeking nourishment, like a bee. Those we love never seem to know how much we love— The bee hovers over the bee balm the way I listen to Einaudi, the way I crave you. The tree offers shade with roots deep as mother’s love. The tree shades us, her leaves, a manufacturing plant for chlorophyll but even they, powerless without the deep work of the roots. The roots never upstage the leaves, nor even the branches. More so, like the unsung toil of rootball, or heart’s muscle, so much of the work of love is hidden.
For Heraclitus
The bee is a promiscuous creature, never sampling the same blossom twice.